The Evolution of a Dream
Once upon a time I dreamed of being a legendary bassist. I wanted to be one of those iconoclastic, brash, trailblazing sons-of-bitches who thumbed his nose at convention and shook room after room after room after room with gut-shaking frequencies as part of an awesome, awesome band full of people I genuinely liked and who felt the same way I did about the hows and whys of making music.
Well, I got halfway there. The second half, specifically. I'm in an awesome band with guys I consider great friends. We've played many times and continue to do so. We've been together for going on ten years now and there's a whole network of people around the band who basically comprise my friends and family in this stage of my life. That's something I value immensely.
The first half of that lofty ambition--the part about conquering the world of music and re-inventing it in my image--was (thankfully) smashed and abandoned long ago as I've come to want different things out of music. Growing up a metalhead, I have to confess that my motives in the beginning were more than a little bit about rubbing it in the face of anyone and everyone whom I felt judged by, etc. You know, all the usual pissed off adolescent stuff but with Slayer as a soundtrack.
Later on, when I saw a little more of life and started to get my head together a little bit I started to embrace music for a whole spectrum of other reasons. Getting to know the people who were behind even the most unabashedly shrill, piercing, confrontational and offensive styles out there revealed a community of like-minded and, generally speaking, really nice folks. There were always the occasional people who were intent on causing problems for somebody/anybody, but for the most part the average person at a show or in a band was there for the art, the camaraderie, the noise, the fun, the message (whatever it may be) and the gestalt of love+crowd+noise.
I'm in my mid-30's now and, let's face it: even if I were still holding on to dreams of fame at this point they would be sort of laughable. For starters, I've picked a less than airwave-friendly genre in many respects. That's cool. I mean, there's a whole other Tolkien-esque trilogy that could be devoted to whether achieving fame in music is really a good thing for a musician anyway. What I'm not ready to give up yet, though, is that experience of making songs and especially performing them live. There's just no end in sight for that as far as I'm concerned. I can't imagine it not being a good time, ever. Don't get me wrong: there are bad shows now and again but those are few and far between and, to be honest, they're becoming rarer as I find myself less concerned with the details of, say, promoting my band to anyone who'll listen. I just want to write songs, record them, and play them. Loudly.
Life pulls at your sleeve. There are distractions. Speaking of my own experience, it's easy to inadvertantly over-complicate a thing and move totally away from why you want to do it in the first place. It's easy to get mired in unnecessary bullshit. I'm happy to report that I am just returning from such a detour and I guess that's why I wrote this. It's confirmation by way of looking back on where I've been so far and recognizing that the dream has been unfolding the whole time. There are still a lot of things that I want to accomplish and I can't wait to see how it all plays out.
posted by Jon @ 11/21/2006
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